Written by:

Updated on:

September 5, 2015

If you want to overcome jealousy, try these 3 ideas: determine where the feeling is coming from; remember your strength; love the person you're with more.

Overcoming Jealousy: Summary

Jealousy… sucks. It burns a toxic hole through everything good it touches.

It can arise within from personal insecurities, the shady actions of others, or even past triggering experiences. Regardless of its origins, jealousy poses a toxic threat to the quality of our relationships and life.

Here are three ways to overcome jealousy:

1. Identify where the feeling is coming from. When you’re in a state of awareness, you realize that jealousy is just fear dressed up in needy clothes. Our first goal is to ask ourselves, “Is this jealousy I’m feeling toward another a result of something they verifiably did, something I’m lacking, or just an internal insecurity?” If someone did something to make you jealous or to question them – there are trust issues – then it’s time to open up and honest a conversation with them. If it’s because you feel inadequate or insecure – it’s time to realize the issue is how you are thinking and what you’re focusing on.

2. Remember your strength. If you’re experiencing fear of inadequacy — you think someone is going to leave you in a relationship even though there’s no real evidence — it often comes from not giving yourself enough credit. A lot of people are actually extraordinary people, but they don’t feel extraordinary because they never take the time to integrate the extraordinary things they do or that happen in their lives. If you start noticing and taking in the wins, just acknowledging those small daily actions that you’ve accomplished, then you’ll start to feel better about yourself. With appreciation comes self-esteem. With more esteem there will be less jealousy caused by insecurity.

3. Love the one you’re with more. When someone is fulfilled in their relationship with you, the odds are you’ll feel less insecure. So love the person you’re with. Don’t hold back because of some fear of them leaving. The more you hold back, the more likely they’ll leave. Give in to the relationship, don’t give in to fear. The more you both connect and share and love, the less jealousy can be present. You have to lead that giving. Don’t be afraid, be committed.

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About the author 

Sean Fargo is the Founder of Mindfulness Exercises, a former Buddhist monk of 2 years, a trainer for the mindfulness program born at Google, an Integral Coach from New Ventures West, and an international mindfulness teacher trainer. He can be reached at [email protected]