Gottman’s Marriage Tips

    SF
    Sean FargoPublished November 24, 2015 · Updated March 28, 2024 · 1 min read

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    Gottman's Marriage Tips

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    A mindful companion to this worksheet

    Tending the relational field around gottman's marriage tips

    Relationships are living systems — they breathe, they shift, they ask things of us we did not expect. “Gottman's Marriage Tips” invites you to notice the patterns you carry into connection, and the patterns you'd like to soften or strengthen.

    How mindfulness can help

    Mindfulness grants us the rare ability to witness our own reactions in real time — the contraction in the chest, the story forming in the mind, the impulse to defend or withdraw. From that ground of awareness, we can choose response over reflex, and offer those we love a steadier presence.

    Gentle steps to try

    1. Anchor in the body. Before a difficult interaction, place a hand on your chest or belly. Feel three breaths move beneath your palm.
    2. Notice your story. Catch the narrative you are telling yourself about the other person. Ask: is this fact, or interpretation?
    3. Offer one act of attention. Look at someone you love today as if you were meeting them for the first time. Notice what changes.
    4. Honor the boundary. Care for the relationship and care for yourself are not opposites. Boundaries spoken with kindness deepen, not damage, connection.

    Every relationship will have seasons of closeness and seasons of strain. Meeting both with curiosity — rather than verdict — keeps the door of possibility open.

    Dr. John M. Gottman’s Tips for Marriage

    Keeping your marriage strong, healthy, and happy is no simple feat. In fact, staying happy with the same partner for decades may be one of life’s greatest challenges. Small differences in opinion and habits can lead to major disagreements, and the accumulation of years of arguments often contributes to feelings of resentment. Simply put, keeping your marriage strong can be difficult.

    Since 1973, psychological research and clinical psychologist Dr. John Gottman has been studying what makes marriages work — and what causes them to fail. As a result of his extensive experience, Dr. Gottman is able to predict the future of any given marriage with more than 90% accuracy.

    Tips for a Healthy, Happy Marriage

    Born in the Dominican Republic in 1942, Dr. Gottman grew up in Brooklyn, NY and received his bachelor’s, master’s, and doctoral degrees in psychology from Fairleigh Dickinson University, the Massachusetts Institute of Technology, and the University of Wisconsin. In 2007, Dr. Gottman was recognized as one of the top ten most influential clinical therapists of the last 25 years.

    In this free mindfulness exercise, you’ll learn Dr. Gottman’s top 7 tips for keeping your marriage healthy and strong over the long haul. Dr. Gottman recommends seeking help for your marriage early after you begin to notice issues, as the average couple waits six years before looking for professional assistance. He also discourages the use of “unnecessary honesty” in engaging your partner. While it’s important to be honest about how you feel, being excessively critical or negative will wound your partner over time. Dr. Gottman also places a significant amount of importance on being willing to accept the influence of your partner, while also maintaining high standards for your partner’s behavior. Learn more about these and other marriage tips in the mindfulness exercise below.

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