This week, I’ve been sitting with a couple of books that are quietly reshaping how I understand mindfulness — not by offering more techniques, but by helping me see what the nervous system is already doing all day long.
Both books are by Deb Dana:
What’s been most impactful isn’t just the practices themselves. It’s the reframing.
These teachings gently remind us that mindfulness doesn’t only live in the head.
It lives in the body.
It lives in the nervous system.
Or, as I often say: mindfulness isn’t brainfulness.
The mind includes our entire sensory world — breath, heartbeat, muscles, emotions, and the nervous system that holds it all together.
And when we understand what the nervous system is actually trying to do — move us toward safety, ease, and connection — so much of our struggle with mindfulness begins to make sense.
Polyvagal Theory, in Plain Language
Polyvagal theory, developed by neuroscientist Stephen Porges, offers a simple but profound insight:
Our nervous system is constantly asking one core question:
“Am I safe?”
Based on how that question is answered, our body organizes itself into one of three primary states:
- Ventral vagal: safety, connection, presence, openness
- Sympathetic: mobilization, fight or flight, anxiety, urgency, anger
- Dorsal vagal: shutdown, collapse, numbness, disconnection
These are not states we choose.They are biological responses designed to support survival.
This matters deeply for mindfulness practice — because the qualities we associate with mindfulness (curiosity, attention, compassion, steadiness) arise most naturally from the ventral vagal state.
Which leads to a key insight:
Mindfulness doesn’t begin with attention.
It begins with safety.
Why “Just Pay Attention” Doesn’t Always Work
Many of us were introduced to mindfulness as an attentional practice:
- “Bring your attention to the breath.”
- “Stay with the sensation.”
- “Notice what arises.”
And when the nervous system already feels safe and regulated, this can be deeply supportive.
But Deb Dana’s work clarifies something many practitioners have felt intuitively for years:
When the nervous system is in sympathetic activation or dorsal shutdown, sustained attention can feel like pressure — not presence.
You may have seen this in yourself or your students:
Someone sits down to meditate.They close their eyes.Within moments, their system shifts into anxiety, restlessness, or foggy collapse.
Then the mind adds a painful story: “I must be bad at meditation.”
From a polyvagal perspective, nothing is wrong.
The nervous system simply doesn’t feel safe enough yet to settle.
A Polyvagal Reframe: Start With Safety, Not Effort
Polyvagal-informed mindfulness changes the starting point.
Instead of asking:“Can I stay with this?”
We ask:“What would help my nervous system feel safe enough to be here?”
That single shift can transform a practice from something we push through into something we enter gently.
A Simple Ventral-Inviting Practice
Before formal meditation, try orienting toward safety:
- Feel your feet making contact with the floor
- Gently look around and name a few colors or shapes
- Notice one neutral or mildly pleasant sensation in the body
This isn’t a warm-up.It’s not extra.
It’s how we invite the ventral vagal system online — which is where mindfulness naturally becomes accessible.
Sympathetic and Dorsal States Are Not Failures
One of the most compassionate contributions of polyvagal theory is how it reframes “dysregulation.”
- Sympathetic activation brings energy, vigilance, urgency — it once helped us protect, act, and survive
- Dorsal shutdown conserves energy when escape isn’t possible — slowing, numbing, and protecting us from overwhelm
Neither state is a mistake.
Both are intelligent adaptations.
When we try to meditate against these states — forcing calm, overriding fatigue, pushing through anxiety — we often intensify the struggle.
When we recognize them, something softens.
A Gentle Mapping Practice
During meditation or daily life, you might quietly ask:
- “Does my body feel mobilized, settled, or low right now?”
- “Am I closer to sympathetic energy, dorsal heaviness, or ventral connection?”
No fixing.
No correcting.
Just respectful noticing.
That alone can reduce shame — and allow compassion to come back online.
Regulation Is a Rhythm, Not a Destination
Polyvagal theory reminds us that healthy nervous systems are flexible, not permanently calm.
We naturally move:
- into sympathetic energy to act
- into dorsal energy to rest
- back into ventral energy to connect
Mindfulness isn’t about staying regulated forever.
It’s about learning how to return — gently, repeatedly, without force.
The real question becomes:
Not “How do I stay calm?”But “How do I find my way back to safety and connection when I leave it?”
That’s a skill. And it’s learnable.
The Nervous System Learns Through Experience
One reason Deb Dana’s work integrates so seamlessly with mindfulness is that it honors how learning actually happens in the body.
The nervous system doesn’t regulate because we understand a concept. It regulates because it experiences:
- tone of voice
- pacing
- choice
- relational safety
This has powerful implications for how we guide practices.
We don’t need to teach polyvagal theory explicitly. We need to teach in ways that feel ventral.
A Subtle but Powerful Teaching Shift
Instead of: “Bring your attention to the breath.”
Try:“If it feels supportive, you might notice the breath — or any place in the body that feels steady or neutral right now.”
Choice signals safety. Safety invites presence.
Safety Grows Through Anchors, Not Peak Experiences
Another polyvagal insight is the importance of ventral anchors — small, reliable cues that help the nervous system access safety.
Regulation usually doesn’t come from long, perfect meditations.It comes from repeated moments of just enough ease.
A familiar voice.A pet nearby.A tree outside the window. A song. A memory of being welcomed.
A Simple Anchor Practice
Invite yourself or others to identify one ventral anchor:
- a person, place, sound, or sensation
- something that brings even 5% more ease
Return to it often — especially when things are already okay.
That’s how the nervous system learns that safety is available.
We Teach Regulation by Being Regulated
Perhaps the most humbling truth of all:
Nervous systems co-regulate.
Before people hear our words, their bodies sense our state — our pace, breath, presence, and tone.
If we’re rushed, striving, or forcing outcomes, that transmits.
If we’re grounded, resourced, and connected, that transmits too.
Polyvagal theory doesn’t ask us to be perfect teachers.
It asks us to be honest ones.
Before guiding others, we pause.
We orient.
We feel our feet.
Not to perform calm — but to inhabit enough safety.
A Quiet Invitation
If you’re a mindfulness teacher, therapist, coach, or guide, these teachings feel especially timely.
They don’t replace mindfulness.
They help it land in the body.
They remind us that presence isn’t something we demand — from ourselves or others.
It’s something the nervous system allows when it feels safe enough.
As you explore this work, move slowly.
Try the practices in your own body.
Notice how your teaching voice softens.
Notice how sessions feel less effortful — and more human.
And when doubt arises, you might ask a kinder, more biological question:
“Does this feel safe enough — for me, and for them?”
Often, that’s all the nervous system needs.
