Optimizing Your Requests

A mindful companion to this worksheet

Bringing mindful attention to optimizing your requests

How we speak and listen shapes every relationship we have. “Optimizing Your Requests” is an invitation to notice the small gap between what comes up in you and what you say, and to notice the quality of attention you bring when someone else is talking.

How mindfulness can help

Mindfulness can take some of the reactive edge off speech. Pausing to feel the body, the breath, and your intention before words come out leaves room for clarity and kindness. Listening changes too. There is less rehearsing a reply and more taking in the person in front of you.

Gentle steps to try

1. 1Pause first. Before responding, you might take one full breath and let the in-breath finish before any words form.
2. 2Name the intention. Quietly ask yourself what you most want this conversation to support. Let the answer guide your tone.
3. 3Say what is true, kindly. Choose words that are honest, useful, and kind. If only two of the three are there, it may be worth waiting.
4. 4Listen as the receiver. When the other person speaks, soften your gaze and feel your feet. Notice any urge to interrupt, and let it pass.