As the holidays approach, many of us bring months of political and everyday stress into our relationships and family gatherings. Mindfulness may help relationships through stressful times by keeping us aware, easing our reactivity to emotions, and supporting our capacity for empathy.
You might find more peace over the holidays by applying mindfulness to your relationships with family and friends.
Relationships in Times of Stress
Political division and public-health worries can put significant strain on relationships. In some years we also find ourselves in closer quarters than usual, staying nearer to home and narrowing our social circles.
During the holidays, disagreements are likely to arise due to politics, unresolved historical issues, familial obligations or conflicting holiday traditions. Combine this with alcohol-fueled celebrations or the feeling there’s nowhere to escape to, and the result is overwhelming.
Strain on relationships in times of stress is often avoidable. To help your relationships through the holidays, you might turn toward your mindfulness practice.
How Mindfulness Preserves Relationships
Mindfulness is the act of paying attention to our present moment, without any judgment. Mindfulness can help us turn habitual, unconscious behavior into more intentional action. By applying mindfulness to our relationships, we can nurture friendships and build loving family connections, even in times of high stress.
Mindfulness & Awareness
First and foremost, mindfulness builds awareness. Relationship troubles often result from the habitual reactivity we develop over a lifetime of unconsciously reacting to the people around us.
With mindfulness, we become more aware of both ourselves and others. We learn to watch our own behavior as if from a distance. We become curious and learn to question our reactions. We also become more aware of the behavior of others, which helps us strengthen qualities such as empathy and compassion.
With practice, mindfulness may change how our brains respond, and we can begin replacing habits like reactive yelling with active listening. By changing ourselves we can change our relationships to others, often bringing greater harmony, peace and tolerance.
Mindfulness & Emotions
Relationships trigger extreme emotions and there’s nothing wrong with this. We each dream of relationships that evoke deep love, for example. When we care deeply about others, our relationships can evoke extreme sadness and anger. It’s not emotion that hurts our relationships, but our reactions to emotion.
Mindfulness can create space between the experience of emotion and our reactivity. Mindfulness practice invites us to see that we are more than our emotions: we are also the awareness within which they arise. Through mindfulness, we develop the capacity to be present with our emotions, no matter how uncomfortable.
Within this space of presence we have the opportunity to choose how we act. We may choose to walk away and give ourselves a moment of self-compassion, to set boundaries with our loved ones, or to turn inward and explore. The greater our awareness of emotions, the more we free ourselves from their control. In the process, our relationships often improve.
Mindfulness & Empathy
Empathy is the ability to connect to the emotions of others without taking them on. Our ability to be present with the emotions of others is directly related to our ability to be present with our own emotions. The more work we do on ourselves, the more strength and patience we bring to our relationships.
Mindfulness helps us see the complexity in all human beings. The experience of watching our own minds teaches us that we each operate within our own reality, built from a lifetime of past experiences. Through mindfulness, we become aware that just like us, our family and friends only want to be happy and free from their pain.
Mindfulness and our awareness of this universal human experience makes us more compassionate. We may not agree with the ways in which others avoid discomfort or seek peace, but we can relate to the aversion and desire. An opportunity for connecting opens.
Mindfulness & Stress
Mindfulness may strengthen our resilience and broaden our capacity to be present with stress. We may recover more quickly from acute moments of adversity. When we’re less stressed, we’re less likely to take things personally, we’re able to see humor in hardship, and we have a greater capacity for patience and giving.
When we’re in a state of stress, we have a limited capacity to be present. Stress induces a closure of body and mind as we prepare for fight, flight or freeze. Mindfulness, on the other hand, invites us to open body and mind to the present situation. In this open state, we can listen and connect to our loved ones. We become available to wisely respond to their needs.
We’re living in a stressful time and in our relationships we aren’t alone in our experience of stress. The skills we develop through mindfulness can help us shift our focus from self to others. Mindfulness preserves relationships by inviting us to ask, how can I help you? We become equipped to support those we love who may not have developed the same mindful coping skills we have.
Mindfulness Exercises for Relationships
Mindfulness supports relationships best when it becomes a habit. Regular practice of the following mindfulness exercises can develop wisdom and compassion, which then inform our actions and strengthen our relationships. In homes with children, this can start with small, consistent mindful moments with children woven into the day.
Listen to what renowned mindfulness teachers have to say about communication, empathy and gratitude. Follow each lesson with daily mindfulness practice.
Mindfully Communicate
Being a good listener requires us to let go of our own stories, and connect instead with what’s happening in the present moment. When we’re present and focused on being versus doing, we’re available to truly connect to others.
- Mindfulness Teacher Tara Brach on the power of listening
- Practice active listening with Oren Jay Sofer
Build Empathy
By increasing our capacity for empathy we learn to see people not as one-dimensional, but in all their human complexity. No one is all good or all bad. We better connect to others when we walk in their shoes.
Deepen Gratitude
A mindful gratitude practice strengthens relationships by reminding us how others have contributed to our joy and success. We take nothing for granted, and in the process, discover the connectedness of all things.
- Mindfulness Teacher Gil Fronsdal on the importance of gratitude
- Practice sharing gratitude with a guided meditation
Share Compassion
Compassion shifts focus from self to others. When we embody the desire to relieve others of their pain, our relationships improve. We can practice this through meditation, and by being of service.
- Mindfulness Teacher Jack Kornfield on developing compassion
- Practice cultivating compassion with a guided meditation
Practice Mindful Self-Compassion
Sometimes, the best thing we can do to preserve our relationships is to remove ourselves from the current situation and take a break. In the long run, the more work we do on self-love, the more we’re available to share love with others.
- Mindfulness teacher Rick Hanson on Self Compassion
- Take a break for self-compassion with a guided meditation
Mindfulness Predicts Relationship Satisfaction
A meta-analysis of 10 different mindfulness studies found mindfulness is significantly correlated with relationship satisfaction. Although it’s primarily an individual practice, mindfulness may support greater intimacy. The deeper our understanding of the self, the deeper our understanding of humanity and the greater our capacity for connection.
Mindfulness can reduce stress, ease our reactivity, and help us approach conflict with an open mind and open heart. It can steady our own minds, which gives us more strength to support others in their moment of need.
You might turn to mindfulness to support your relationships over the holidays, and well into the new year. You may also consider registering for one of the best mindfulness certification programs. It can help you better understand mindfulness and learn how to support others in their relationships.
