Today’s practice
Self Compassion
8 min, guided by Sean Fargo
Today is self-compassion. Not letting yourself off the hook. Letting yourself be human while you stay in the work.
Kristin Neff's three components are the ground here: this is hard, I am not alone, may I be kind to myself.
In your day
When you notice self-criticism today, maybe trying those three lines, slowly, and seeing what happens.
From Sean
A lot of people think self-compassion means going to the gym and eating kale. Those can be healthy, but what we are getting at is less external and more internal: how are we relating to ourselves? Is there an actual feeling of care? We can go to the gym out of fear that we are not good enough. The practice is the feeling from the heart, not the activity.
A question to carry
What changes when you stop fighting yourself?
Saved on this device only, and kept for all 28 days.
A few lines, for whatever they are worth
This is hard.
I am not alone.
May I be kind
to the one
who is tired of trying
so hard.
If you want more today
- Script: Identifying Self-Judgment and Bringing in Self-Compassion (PDF), to read aloud for yourself or someone else.
- Workshop: Christopher Germer on mindfulness and self-compassion, about an hour, for when you have it.
- Podcast: A Moment of Self Compassion a Meditation with Sean Fargo, for the drive or the walk.
Read the practice as text
Transcription
This practice is called the self-compassion break, and it’s something you can doanytime during the day or at night when you need a little self-compassion.
So to practice this exercise, we actually need to call up a little suffering. So I’d invite you to think about a situation in your life right now that is difficult for you.
Maybe you’re feeling stressed or you’re having a relationship problem or you’re worried about something that might happen.
I’d invite you to think of something that is difficult but not overwhelmingly difficult, especially if you’re new to practicing the self-compassion break.
So finding a situation and getting in touch with it, what’s going on, what happened or what might happen, who said what, really bring the situation to life in your mind’s eye.
And then I’m going to be saying a series of phrases that are designed to help usremember the three components of self-compassion when we need it most.So the first phrase is this is a moment of suffering, right?
We’re bringing mindful awareness to the fact that suffering is present, and I’d invite you to find some language that speaks to you, something like this is really hard right now or I’m really struggling.
We’re actually turning toward our difficulty, acknowledging it, naming it. This is a moment of suffering. The second phrase is suffering is a part of life. Okay?
We’re reminding ourselves of our common humanity. Suffering is a part of life. And again, finding language that speaks to you, it may be something like it’s not abnormal to feel this way.
Many people are going through similar situations. Right? The degree of suffering may be different, the flavor of suffering may be different, but suffering is a part of life, part of being human.
And then the third phrase is may I be kind to myself in this moment?
And to support bringing kindness to yourself, I’d invite you to perhaps put your hands over your heart or some other place on your body that feels soothing and comforting, feeling the warmth of your hands, the gentle touch, letting those feelings of care stream through your fingers.
May I be kind to myself? And using any language that supports that sense of kindness, perhaps language you would use with a good friend you cared aboutwho was going through a very similar situation, you know?
It may be something like I’m here for you. It’s going to be okay. I care about you. You can even try using a diminutive if that feels comfortable, you know?
Oh, darling, I’m so sorry.
Or you can try calling yourself by your first name, anything that feels naturalto express your deep wish that you be well, and happy, and free from suffering.And then letting go of the practice and noticing how your body feels right now,allowing any sensations to be just as they are, allowing yourself to be
Integrated Practice:
Write for 2 full minutes for each journaling prompt below. Once you’ve finished, take a minute to reread what you wrote and reflect.
Journaling Prompts:
1. Areas of my life where I can be more forgiving are…2. If I were more forgiving of these areas, it would allow me to…
Your progress
Day by day. No streak to protect.
Kept on this device. A missed day is part of the practice: pick up where you are.
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This is Day 14 of the 28-Day Mindfulness Challenge.
One short practice a day for four weeks, sent to your inbox each morning with the worksheet and a podcast episode to go with it. Free.