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    Podcast episode

    How Complete Darkness Can Reveal What We Keep Avoiding

    June 12, 202657 minHosted by Sean Fargo

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    About this episode

    Complete darkness removes the scaffolding most of us rely on — visual orientation, the pull of distraction, the quiet pressure to perform. Scott Berman, founder of Sky Cave Retreats, describes what happens when those supports fall away inside cabins designed for total blackout and near silence. Without something to look at or manage, the body becomes the anchor, and what a person has been avoiding tends to surface on its own. Much of the conversation turns on relationship rather than endurance. The container of a retreat, and the expectations carried into it, shape what people allow themselves to feel. Disorientation can call up survival responses — fight, flight, freeze — which is why nervous system safety matters as much as any technique. Berman draws a distinction between practices that connect us to experience and strategies that merely control it. Softening, in this framing, means allowing and being with what is present, not manufacturing a calm persona or filtering for positivity. Drawing on the ancient roots of darkness practice and his own path, Berman suggests the work suits those willing to stay curious and to not know.

    Key takeaways

    • Darkness strips away orientation and performance, letting avoided feelings surface without effort or force.
    • The retreat container and one's expectations shape what a person permits themselves to feel.
    • Disorientation can trigger fight, flight, or freeze, making nervous system safety essential.
    • Techniques for connection differ fundamentally from strategies used to manage or control experience.
    • Softening is allowing and being with what is present, not performing a calm persona.

    Reflection questions

    • What do you tend to reach for when orientation and distraction are no longer available?
    • Where in your practice might you be managing experience rather than genuinely connecting with it?
    • What would it mean to soften as allowing, rather than as producing a calmer version of yourself?
    • Which expectations do you carry into stillness, and how might they shape what you let yourself feel?
    • What might become visible if you were willing to not know for a while?

    Show notes

    We talk with Scott Berman, founder of Sky Cave Retreats, about what extended time in complete darkness actually does to the body and mind when distractions, orientation, and performance all fall away. 

    Sky Cave Retreats: https://www.skycaveretreats.com/

    We focus on nervous system safety, permission to feel what is here, and why the “right” darkness retreat is less about endurance and more about how you relate to yourself. 


    • What a darkness retreat is and how Sky Cave cabins are designed for total blackout and near silence
    • Why the retreat container and expectations can shape what people allow themselves to feel
    • Disorientation, survival responses, and how fight flight freeze can show up in the dark
    • Using the body as an anchor when visual cues disappear
    • The difference between techniques used for connection versus strategies used to manage experience
    • Softening as allowing and being with, not forcing a “soft” persona or positivity filter
    • How the program is structured with preparation, touch-ins, and integration support
    • The ancient roots of darkness practice across cultures and lineages
    • Scott’s personal journey and how Sky Cave evolved with a nervous system lens
    • Who tends to benefit most, including curiosity, availability, and willingness not to know

    I encourage people to check out skykaveretreats.com.


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