Breaking Patterns of Self-Judgment

    NL
    Nicole LannertonePublished January 10, 2015 · Updated March 27, 2024 · 2 min read

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    Breaking Patterns of Self-Judgment

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    Working skillfully with thought

    Thoughts arise on their own, but the ones we believe become the architecture of our lives. “Breaking Patterns of Self-Judgment” is a chance to notice which stories you have been carrying — and to question whether they still serve you.

    How mindfulness can help

    Mindfulness reveals thoughts as events in awareness, rather than facts about reality. By stepping back to observe a thought without immediately believing it, we recover a quiet authority over our inner life. We choose which voices to listen to, and which to thank and release.

    Gentle steps to try

    1. Catch the thought. When a familiar story appears, silently note, “Thinking,” and watch it the way you might watch a cloud.
    2. Investigate it. Ask: is this absolutely true? What do I know directly, without the commentary?
    3. Soften the grip. Try saying, “A thought is arising that says…” instead of “I think…”. Notice the spaciousness this creates.
    4. Choose where to invest attention. You cannot control what arises, but you can choose what you nourish with your continued attention.

    You are not your thoughts. You are the awareness in which they appear, stay a while, and dissolve. Trust that quieter knowing.

    How to Increase Self Acceptance and Ease Self Judgment

    Most of us are familiar with self-judgmental thought patterns. When we don’t measure up to our limited ideas of ‘perfection’, it can become habitual to sink into harsh self-dialogue. The good news is that while self judgment is not something we can overcome in a single day, increasing our awareness of it is a powerful practice that will guide us towards naturally developing self acceptance.

    But what is self acceptance and how do we practice it? From awareness of self judgment to meditation for self acceptance, there are a variety of practices we can explore to enhance this virtue. But, let’s begin by figuring out what it really is in the first place.

    What is Self Acceptance?

    Quite simply, self acceptance is about being fully open to and embracing of ourselves exactly as we are. It is not about getting to a place in the future when we will be able to embrace ourselves; it is about being self loving right here and now.

    This is not something that comes easy in our modern day society as there is much expectation to perform and look in certain ways and much competition. However, this is a process that any of us can begin today. It is a journey deep into the unconditional worthiness of ourselves.

    How to Accept Ourselves

    Learning to accept ourselves is not something that occurs overnight. Often, it requires a process of unlearning all the ways we’ve been unaccepting towards ourselves for so long. As we create this space within, we can cultivate virtues such as compassion, patience, and kindness.

    Some of the ways in which we can practice self acceptance include:

    1. Awareness of our self-judgments

    The first step to unlearning and relearning is always awareness. We cannot change anything that we are not aware of. So, the process begins by enhancing our ability to note where and when we judge ourselves. As we observe these tendencies, we can bestow them with patience, curiosity, and compassion to naturally ease their grip.

    2. Meditation for self-acceptance

    Next, we can listen to a meditation for self-acceptance to enhance our awareness of judgments that we subconsciously make. Guided meditations are effective tools for developing our understanding of these sorts of practices, so they can be used as a framework for self-guided practice in the future.

    3. Mindfulness of our emotions

    Furthermore, tending to our emotions with love and compassion is another powerful way of learning to accept ourselves. A beautiful practice to explore this is Tara Brach’s RAIN meditation. This practice invites us to recognize, allow, investigate, and nurture whatever is present in our inner world.

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