Trauma is not just about what happened to us — it’s also about the silence, the aloneness, and the lack of safety that surrounded the event. This powerful truth was highlighted in a heartfelt conversation between Mel Robbins — motivational speaker, bestselling author, and host of The Mel Robbins Podcast — and Dr. Gabor Maté, a renowned physician, trauma expert, and guest teacher in the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification program.
In this moving discussion, Mel bravely shared her personal story of childhood sexual abuse. Dr. Maté, known for his compassionate approach to trauma, unpacked the deeper layers of what makes painful experiences so impactful — not just the event itself, but the emotional isolation that often surrounds it.
Watch the Conversation: Mel Robbins and Dr. Gabor Maté
In this powerful YouTube video clip, Mel Robbins recounts an early childhood trauma and reflects on how difficult it was to talk about it at the time. She also imagines what it might feel like if her own daughters were to go through something similar — and how silence and isolation can deepen the impact of painful events.
Dr. Gabor Maté responds with deep compassion, reframing the trauma and offering insights that apply not just to Mel’s story, but to the universal experience of wounding and healing.
Video Highlights: Key Insights from the Exchange
- Trauma goes deeper than the event itself. The core wound often comes from being alone with the pain.
- Aloneness can exist before the event. Vulnerability and lack of protection set the stage for trauma to take root.
- Abusers sense vulnerability. As Dr. Maté explains, they often detect unprotected children with “laserlike accuracy.”
- Healing begins with recognition. Acknowledging that trauma is multi-layered — event plus isolation — opens the door to recovery.
Mel’s candid response — “It makes me sad that I didn’t know this sooner. But I feel very grateful for your work” — reflects the relief and healing that come from compassionate understanding.
Why Recognizing Different Kinds of Trauma Matters
Traumas are often layered. The overt event (like abuse or neglect) is one piece, but underlying wounds — emotional isolation, a lack of safety, or unprocessed fears — can amplify suffering.
When we acknowledge these layers, healing becomes less about surface-level coping and more about root-level transformation. Mindfulness and compassionate inquiry allow us to approach trauma with reverence, curiosity, and care.
Mindfulness-Based Practices for Healing Trauma
Drawing on Dr. Maté’s Compassionate Inquiry and mindfulness principles, here are four practices you can begin using today:
Mindfulness of Emotions: Notice and Name Without Judgment
- Process: Sit quietly for 5–10 minutes. Notice your breath, then scan your body. Where is tension showing up — chest, belly, jaw? Name emotions gently: “This is fear.” “This is sadness.”
- Tip: Guided meditations like body scans can help build “gentle awareness.”
- Application: Families can encourage children to draw or describe their body feelings. Therapists can guide clients to recognize how past isolation resurfaces in present emotions.
Compassionate Inquiry: Ask Curious Questions
- Process: When an emotion or memory arises, pause and ask: “What is this feeling trying to tell me? Where might it come from?” Sit with whatever arises, without judgment.
- Tip: Journaling can reveal patterns, such as recurring fears tied to childhood isolation.
- Application: Parents can model curiosity by sharing feelings with kids. Clinicians can guide clients toward the origins of recurring emotional pain.
Handling Self-Judgment: Observe the Observer
- Process: Notice self-critical thoughts: “I shouldn’t feel this way.” Then step back: “Oh, there’s a judgment happening right now.”
- Tip: Treat yourself as you would a close friend. Over time, judgments soften, creating space for healing.
- Application: Families can use “noticing statements” during conflicts. Therapists can apply this technique to help clients process shame.
Setting Healthy Boundaries and Self-Care Rituals
- Process: Identify areas where you feel unprotected. Set boundaries mindfully: “I need space to process this.” Pair with self-care practices such as daily walks, journaling, or loving-kindness meditation.
- Tip: Boundaries reduce resentment and restore a sense of safety.
- Application: Families can create safe-space routines, like weekly check-ins. Therapists can integrate self-care into trauma-informed treatment plans.
Final Thoughts: Healing Is Not Linear
Healing trauma is a layered and deeply personal journey. It requires patience, mindful awareness, and compassionate support. Whether you are practicing mindfulness on your own, working with a therapist, or exploring Dr. Maté’s Compassionate Inquiry approach, remember:
- Healing happens in small, intentional steps.
- Safety and connection are at the heart of recovery.
- You don’t have to do it alone.
If you’re part of our certification program, we encourage you to revisit Dr. Maté’s teachings in the course modules for deeper guidance. And if this dialogue between Mel Robbins and Dr. Gabor Maté resonates with you, share your reflections in our community forum — we’d love to hear your perspective.
