Speaker 1 · 0:00Who am I to share mindfulness with others? What if I am judged? What if I'm not good enough? When we consider teaching mindfulness to others, it's normal to experience fear, nervousness, or hesitation. These emotions often arise from a sense of inadequacy. The collection of human emotions we often refer to as imposter syndrome isn't necessarily bad or wrong. In fact, questioning our ability to help others can be a sign of grace, humility, and compassion. Approaching our fears with mindfulness versus judgment can transform them from something to be erased to something to be embraced. Welcome to the Mindfulness Exercises Podcast. May this be a source of inspiration and motivation in your mindfulness practice and teachings. After a few years as a Buddhist monk, Sean Fargo felt called to share with the world the mindfulness practices that had so deeply changed him. But doubt crept in as he began comparing himself to others, especially those who had spent more time within the monastery walls. In this episode, Sean shares his personal experience with imposter syndrome and how he moved from a place of fear toward loving action. Sean is now the founder of Mindfulness Exercises, an online resource for all things mindfulness that to date has taught over six million people how to be present with their moment-to-moment experience. As the lead instructor for the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Training Program, Sean now inspires others to share their mindfulness practice too. For him, the solution to teaching mindfulness with confidence, compassion, and courage begins with moving out of the head and into the heart.
Speaker 2 · 2:47So when a senior mindfulness teacher like Jack Cornfield or Joseph Goldstein asks a dedicated practitioner if they want to teach mindfulness, and if the person isn't quite sure that they're ready, or if they express some degree of doubt as to their experience level, or if they just express interest in wanting to learn a lot more about how to teach mindfulness first, then that's usually a really good sign that some degree of reservation and doubt can be a good thing when there's a sense of care for the teachings, care for the welfare of those who they may teach in the future. So that's usually a good thing. But when a senior mindfulness teacher asks a dedicated practitioner if they want to teach mindfulness, if that person responds with a sense of strong confidence and excitement and immediate speculation that they're going to change the world with their unique wisdom, then that may be a warning sign that they're not quite ready, that their motivations may not be in the right place, or that their ego may get in the way of them actually being able to connect with people with a deeper sense of care. So when people are considering teaching mindfulness and meditation, you know, we always need to check our motivation, our level of care for the integrity of the teachings themselves, the level of compassion that we have for the people who we want to help. And this level of compassion that we have for people in wanting to help alleviate their suffering and stress and anxiety, help them live with more presence and care. That's at the heart of the teachings. That's the heart of all good mindfulness teachings and teachers.
Speaker 1 · 4:54To be cautious is to be aware of the power of our role as mindfulness teachers, to take it seriously. Approaching our teaching with care involves questioning our process and potential outcomes. How can we best help others while maintaining the integrity of the teachings and minimizing possible harm? But this wholesome introspection requires discernment and skill, for it can lead to hesitancy, nervousness, and fear. And while humility serves us well, lack of courage or diminished self-confidence is detrimental. In fact, most of us go through this process. Sean himself spent years dealing with self-doubt until one day he had a breakthrough moment.
Speaker 2 · 6:02Because I was like, well, who am I to do this? What will people think of me? You know, as soon as I launch a website about this, what am I gonna say to different teachers who tell me not to do it? What if I fail? You know, I had a lot of fear for like a couple years. And for me, a big turning point was like one day, it might have been a dream. Well, I think it started as a nightmare. But I was visualizing myself walking through a grocery store. I had like my buggy or basket, you know, where you push it. And you know, I was like putting cereal in it and cucumbers, you know, just minding my own business. And then I like rounded an aisle at the grocery store, and my buggy hit someone else's buggy where like we kind of collided. I mean, no one got hurt, but like we collided, so and we just kind of stopped each other. And I look up, and it's a specific teacher who I like feared their judgment the most, and like I couldn't avoid them, you know. Our carts just collided and we're like staring at each other, you know. It's like I can't run, and I look up at them, and they look up at me and they say, Sean, hi. I saw that you were up to teaching people mindfulness and teaching people how to teach mindfulness. Like, who are you to do that? Why do you think you can do that? Which is kind of weird because this person who I feared their judgment has always been like a strong supporter and believer in me, but they also have like kind of a harsh side to them too, where they can kind of get a little critical of folks. And I kind of had that like vision a few times, this kind of like nightmare scenario. It's like, well, what do I say? And then the vision and the nightmare usually kind of just stops there, and then I get paralyzed, and then I don't do anything. But this time, something unlocked in me where I was able to respond, like from an embodied place where it wasn't defensive, I wasn't offensive either. But I was like, you know, people need help. People are asking for help. I know enough to help a lot of these people. I can't help everyone with everything, but I know enough that I can help a lot of people with what they're asking for help with. Who am I to say no? Who am I to not help them if I can help them? Who are you to stop me from helping people? And again, like I know that sounds a little like harsh, but like it didn't feel harsh in how I responded. Like, well, like who am I to help these people? Well, who are you to stop me from helping these people? And like when I said that, you know, I didn't actually say it out loud, I didn't bump carts, you know, in a shopping market with anybody, but like I visualized and I just kind of like felt myself saying that. I didn't plan it or anything, it just kind of came out that way, and that felt so freeing to me when I realized that. Because a lot of my fear, I think, was you know, I was a monk for two years, and in the tradition that I was in, Jack Cornfield's tradition and Ajahn Samhita's tradition, to even be considered to teach even for a minute, you need to be a monk for at least 10 years, like fully ordained monk, and it usually takes two years to become fully ordained. So that's 12 years of like art and training to even be considered to teach. And I think it's important to note that they teach what they call like Dhamma or Dharma. It's not like just mindfulness, there's like a whole constellation of teachings, so it's not apples to apples, there's more to it, you know, and then at Spirit Rock to be considered a spirit rock teacher, there's tons and tons and tons of prerequisites and trainings, and you know, and there's a place for that too. But again, they're teaching Buddhism explicitly. It's not just mindfulness. So I think what they're doing makes sense. But what I'm saying about this is that I had these models of what it meant to be able to teach in my head. And it took me a while to figure out like, okay, well, what are we teaching here? And how much experience do you need to teach? And how can we teach in in a in a way that has integrity? And so, you know, something I consistently repeat is that, you know, we're not teaching people how to get enlightened here. We're not teaching Buddhism, we're not teaching Dharma, we're not teaching the world, we're teaching people how to be with their moment-to-moment experience. And I don't think you need like ten plus years of hardcore in-person training to do that.
Speaker 1 · 12:11Sean says that it took him a few years to move from his head to his heart. In his head, he had developed quite a story. He held mental models of what it meant to be able to teach, and he had convinced himself that his most respected teachers would have questioned his abilities, or perhaps have negatively judged his efforts to help others. But was his story true? Take a deep, mindful breath in, and a full breath out, and ask yourself, what story have I created regarding my ability to teach? What am I afraid of? And is it true? Remember, you're not wrong or alone for feeling afraid. We need not rid ourselves of healthy fear. Instead, we tend to it with gentle curiosity, with mindfulness.
Speaker 2 · 13:22I think a lot of mindfulness teachers are afraid of that judgment, and that's okay. And I think part of our practice as mindfulness teachers is to open to that fear, you know, allow it to be here, feel it, and practice not judging it, which is hard, you know. And sometimes I'll teach in certain contexts or with like maybe lots of people or something, and it's like, oh, I get some butterflies here. It's like this is kind of a new situation. What are they gonna think? You know, are they gonna be judging me? And so I don't know that that ever fully goes away, you know, because part of this ties in with public speaking and performance in a way, you know, I hear a lot of like musicians or actors say something similar, but you know, I think it can be very helpful to welcome the fear, to not try to run away from it or pretend like it's not there, but to tend to it just as we would with anything else with mindfulness and to soften the judgments, be curious about it, feel it, breathe with it, you know, learn what we can from it. You know, and I think that working with shame and self-judgment is also very helpful because there may be some association with that. But also, you know, on the flip side, we can also see that you know, we want to teach with integrity, we want to teach with grace and competency. And so I think part of that fear for some of us may be tied to that wish to help people. You know, we want to do a good job, we want to be able to lead a great meditation. So we want to honor that too. And remember that it's not about us, it's not about me or you, it's about helping people, it's about helping them with their struggles and their challenges and inviting them to be able to practice this for their own benefit. And that comes from the heart. And a lot of the fear usually tends to be a little head-based. So if we can kind of drop into the heart, remember why we're doing this out of the sense of compassion, that can help to diffuse some of the worry a little bit too.
Speaker 1 · 16:00The same mindfulness skills we teach to others can be useful for helping us face our own fears. When fear or nervousness arises, we welcome it, invite it in, and remain present with it as we kindly and curiously explore. This is a process of moving from head to heart. The stories we create and all of our worries exist only in our heads. When we're in our heads, we become self-conscious and fearful of judgment or failure. But in the heart is where we find compassion, courage, and confidence. When we act from the heart, our focus shifts from self to others. Helping others is what drives us to share mindfulness. By remembering this, and by acting from the heart, we can soften the experience of fear and inadequacy.
Speaker 2 · 17:14You know, this isn't about us. And in my opinion, it's not even about mindfulness. It's about people's struggles, people's suffering, people's pain, people's challenges. That's what it's about, in my opinion. And so, as mindfulness teachers, you know, sometimes we need to get out of our own way and remember what this is really about. This is about them, this is about their challenges. And as mindfulness teachers, you know, what can I offer that may be useful? We're not here to fix anyone, we're not here to convince anyone of anything, we're not here to tell people what to do or how to think, but we are here to offer a few things that may be helpful. You know, encouraging courage to try it out and see what works. You know, if some of this doesn't work, no worries. Find what does you know, or at least we're planting seeds for these seeds to grow when the conditions are are right, when that person is ready. And so we can offer this, we can offer that. You know, if I came into this thinking, oh, I really hope all of them like it and that it's life transformative and life-changing, I'd probably trip over my words, feel contracted, feel a lot of fear. You know, what are they gonna think of this? What are they gonna think of me? Are they gonna like hate me now, or like think that I don't know what I'm talking about because it's not pure mindfulness practice or whatever? Like I would feel paralyzed. But I kind of came into it with the spirit of it's an offering. Some of you might like it, some of you won't. I'll continue to offer more tools in the hopes that it's helpful. You know, like I think courage is a heart-based quality, compassion is a heart-based quality, and the thing that really helps me to feel into that heartfelt space is to reflect on their challenges, their struggles, their sufferings so that I can empathize. Oh wow, like I'm sorry that you're going through that, or you know, there's zoom fatigue, there's caregiver burnout, there's you know, anxious kids. Yeah, I feel for them. I'd like to help. I can feel that in my heart. How can I respond from the heart rather than my like fearful, head-based, knee-centered place? You know, and I think we all uh struggle with this balance sometimes. You know, it's natural for us to have that fear, like public speaking, like ooh, like that's not what I signed up for. But can we relate to the people who we're trying to serve from the heart and kind of come at this with a spirit of empathy, compassion, encouraging courage, and that can help us get out of our own way sometimes.
Speaker 1 · 21:06We each have something to offer that may be useful to others, even if it's one small thing. We don't need to change lives in each and every session. Our role as teachers is not to fix others, nor to tell them what to do or think, but to plant seeds, to offer helpful tools. In fact, we cannot control when or how our teachings impact others. So letting go of the outcome and instead offering practices and processes can be helpful. By remaining intimately connected to this process ourselves, we also strengthen the qualities of empathy and compassion in ourselves, which allows us to teach from the heart instead of the head. This is why personal practice has remained at the top of Sean's list of skills to cultivate throughout his journey as a mindfulness teacher.
Speaker 2 · 22:14In my own journey, I started with practice, you know, like intensive, deep practice, like so meditation, like and really upping that as much as possible to build the foundation, you know, continuing it over time, but really like intensively working with my own practice as the primary foundation, which I think most teachers would say is you can't go wrong with that, including retreats, including listening guided meditations, guiding myself, exploring different meditations, but from a lens of personal practice. And then kind of the next step was I like to listen to all sorts of different teachers' talks, and there's all sorts of free ones at mindfulnessercises.com that you can download or listen to, just listening to how different teachers teach, especially the QA sections, which are my favorite parts. And then I found it helpful to go through a coaching program, learning how to coach people, which really is for me, it was about listening, asking questions, evoking their own wisdom rather than telling them anything. And then kind of learning about like structuring practices and classes and getting a sense of like some of the ways that we can layer on teachings to each other, you know, like breathing, then maybe body scan, then maybe mindful movement, and then maybe sensing into emotions, and then emotional regulation, and then empathy, and then resilience, and then communication, and like there's different ways of layering things. So that was helpful for me to get a sense of how teachings can be structured. I think learning about the science and trauma sensitivity always super, super helpful. You know, maybe learning how to guide like individuals versus groups. Some of us will only teach individuals, some of us will only teach groups, some of us will do both. There's no good or bad, right or wrong. All of us here in different contexts or with different intentions. And then I recorded a lot of like hundreds of audio meditations. And for me, that was very humbling. Because while I had meditated a lot, guiding them was a whole nother ballgame for me. Learned about vocal modulation and like how my voice responds to liquids or temperatures, or how to maybe set up a meditation and guide different lengths and different styles, and then forcing myself to listen to those and get a sense for pacing. And you know, I tend to be on the drier side of you know, like some teachers are very like flowery and like bubbly. I'm a little bit more on the dry side, I think. At least I started on the spectrum of like way too dry, way too monotone, way too like you couldn't sense into my heart or anything. It's like I would listen to myself, like, ooh, that's probably not very good. And then I would get that feedback too, like, very dry, couldn't last 30 seconds with this guy. I'm like, okay, that's good to know. Keep going, try something new, and then you might overcompensate trying to sound like someone else, and you find your own voice, and then maybe from audio, then going into video and practicing that. There have been times where I've been kind of like thrown into the deep end a little bit, like, oh, give a keynote for a thousand people at this big conference in person, wearing a suit and tie and dress shoes. I'm like, okay, I'll figure it out. So that's kind of been like how my past have has happened to have like sequenced together. But I think the main thing is to keep practicing as a practitioner, try retreats and maybe practicing with some of these ingredients that I mentioned, but trying to remove the should a little bit more and kind of sensing into the heart of it, which is helping people, because that will help the whole experience be a little bit more smooth and genuine, and also kind of remind you like why am I doing this, which is always helpful.
Speaker 1 · 27:14Teach not for fame or gain, but to help others. While understanding science, structure, voice, and timing is important to present ourselves authentically as teachers. Our time is best spent on our own personal practice. By deepening the meditation experience, and by living mindfully through integration, we can begin to embody the heart-centered qualities that make our offerings authentic. No longer thinking of the shoulds, we instinctively and organically share mindfulness with others, just by being. We may never know just how much our embodied, mindful presence influences another, but it does indeed make a difference. Through our teachings, we send ripples of mindfulness out into the world.
Speaker 2 · 28:23You know, I think we're all trying to pay it forward. We've been deeply touched by this practice, and so I think we just naturally want to share that with others. And so hopefully we're all creating those ripples. And you never know who's gonna be touched by this or impacted. And I think it takes some degree of faith that things will ripen at the right time, or that that ripple will carry out, whether it's a meta prayer or a teaching or a whatever it is, like that ripple effect is real. And so I want to just honor all of you, you know, people who are helping others be more mindful. You know, we all have benefited from a multitude of teachers, different styles and traditions and points of emphasis, and so may we all find our own voice and sharing this with compassion and generosity and courage and continue supporting each other through this journey.
Speaker 1 · 29:44Thank you to Sean for his support and the example he set by so generously offering hundreds of mindfulness practices and resources at mindfulness exercises.com, and for finding the courage. To help others in this way so many years ago. May each of us continue to find courage in our own way, not only through personal practice, but by sharing mindfulness with a deep sense of faith, knowing that seeds we plant will certainly, someday, bloom. To learn more about Sean's Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Training Program and the wisdom, support, and community that's available there, visit teach.mindfulness exercises.com
