Byron Katie Introduces The Work

Speaker 1 · 0:03Welcome everyone. Today is a very special day. It's a distinct honor and pleasure to be welcoming Aaron Katie. In 1986, at the bottom of a 10-year spiral into depression and self-loathing, Katie woke up one morning in a state of joy. She realized that when she believed her stressful thoughts, she suffered. But when she questioned them, she didn't suffer. And that this is true for every human being. Her simple yet powerful process of self-enquiry, which she calls the work, consists of four questions and the turnaround, which is a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. She's been bringing the work to millions of people for more than 30 years. You can find her at homewithbk.com. For at home with bk on Zoom every week. Her books include the best-selling Loving What Is, which is now revised. And she also wrote I Need Your Love. Is that true? A Thousand Names for Joy. And A Mind at Home with Itself. Katie, again, thank you so much for joining us today. And welcome.

Speaker 2 · 1:27I'd like to start with the work. What I call the work. It's self-inquiry. And it's it's on for people with very open minds because it's on self- self-reflection on steroids. A lot of courage. You know, let's just get still and and look for step one on your one, two, three. I'll call it one, two, three. And step one, I complain about blank because. And I love this one. All you need to do is just imagine like getting up in the morning and walking into your coffee or your tea just in the mornings or on any time of day, driving to work. Just notice what arises, what the ego offers up, and and get in touch with the complaints. Okay, just think. I complain about, and then see what's offered up. The ego doesn't sleep. What does it offer up when it's not controlled? And what does it offer up in ways that you're not yet aware of that still seem valid to you? So let's just have fun with this. You know, you can imagine yourself on the way to the market, walking, driving, just walking through your house, cooking, being with him, her, them. Notice the complaints about him, or her, or them. And just take dictation from your ego. Keep your sentences very short, to the point. And it could be like you think of your mother and you were five years old, and that occurs to you. I personally have, as far as I know, never met a person that sooner or later, if we hung out long enough, the ego would offer up some complaint. That doesn't make it valid. And I don't try to quiet my ego. So just on just you don't have to edit, just what is the complaint and and be in touch with the time and place as you're thinking the thought. And let's begin. For example, I complain about Paul because he lied to me. And I can see me like decades ago, just in the kitchen with him so clearly. And the doctor said that if he doesn't stop smoking, he's going to have a massive heart attack, which would be his fourth. And I smell smoke. I go into, I go toward the kitchen, and there he is. He's smoking. And then I see him try to throw it away in the kitchen down the sink and try to cover it. Because here I come. And I'm off the charts. Crazy. Oh, you promised you said you'd never do it. The doctor told you it was gonna kill you. Oh, I just oh my gosh. So did you see that? Okay, just notice your own. And let's just take dictation without trying to change it just from our head to paper. I complain about Paul because he lied to me. And maybe I'll do five or six on that kitchen thing complaints. And then maybe Annie comes to me. She's always late for her appointments. So it's just noticing what your ego offers up and moving it from your head to paper. I find this a respectful um exercise. The ego wants attention, it doesn't want to be pushed aside or negated.

Speaker 3 · 5:45Just respectful.

Speaker 2 · 5:50You know, as meditators, these are the things sometimes that we just kind of move through and get still again. We just notice thoughts arising, they move through, we get still again, just noticing, noticing anything that could create a world or an illusion of a world where you can think, feel, act, have anything that powerful, don't you want to get as close as you can to it and understand it? So that's what we do here. We honor it, move from our head to paper. We don't try to kill ego. This is a love affair with the self. So we move it respectfully from our head to pay to paper, no matter how painful that thought has been for us, or how unacceptable.

Speaker 3 · 6:54So, what was that like for you?

Speaker 2 · 7:00You know, guilt is like the ego's favorite food. It thrives on it. And what I found when I get to how do I react? What hell happens when I believe that thought? How did I treat Paul? What did I say? What did I do? What was my body language? What was my the things I said, the things I did. I need to go back. Like all the work in the world is not gonna take out that. I need to go back, if at all possible, and I need to admit, in other words, point out what I said and did, and apologize, and then make it right where I can. Maybe it won't be with him, but it'll be with the rest of the human race, and that's how I live. I I have this thing that runs in my head. I owe, I owe. If it's off to work, I go. You know, so I can meet every human with what these worksheets can give us. And when we're believing our thoughts, you know, just take them to paper. I don't trust, oh, you know, I see that wasn't true. Hmm. If I harm any human being, I move it from my head to paper, what was going on, just the way we've done here. And to notice how old that behavior is and how we justify it, how old that is, and whose property did it originally belong to? Is it even mine or was it my mother's, my father's, some relative, someone on television, you know, just noticing, noticing, noticing. What was your experience sitting in yourself as you realize for yourself the power of believing a thought and and how how you react.

Speaker 3 · 9:41Step two, identify one of your complaints and move it to belief.

Speaker 2 · 9:52Example, he lied to me. Okay, so fill it in, short, simple sentence, just like you know, one of your one of your complaints, something you want to work on. Short, simple, uncomplicated sentence, just straight up your complaint about that human being and not yourself. Okay, so this is an exercise. Be there now in that situation, time, and place, because that's where you're going to be shown in real time. It's where you will internally see, you'll be shown the answer to these four questions and turnarounds. For example, my belief is Paul lied to me. Okay. Now mindfully revisit that situation, time and place. Okay, I'm in the kitchen, I see him, I see me. Because that's where our answers to these next questions are going to come from. That's where the answers are. Okay, they're not in your intellect, they're not in your guessing, they're in my answers, they are in the kitchen with Paul. Okay. So mindfully revent, uh revisit the situation, the specific situation, time, and place. Okay, I'm in the kitchen. I'm gonna close my eyes and quietly open my mind to what appears to me and answer the following questions, then find turnarounds. Okay, Paul lied to me. I'm always gonna stay anchored at where I the belief I filled in. Okay, is it true? Now I'm not gonna say, yes, okay, I'm gonna be in the kitchen, I'm going to listen, I'm going to witness. As vague as it can be, I'm going to be there now. Is it true? He lied to me. And I'm going to meditate, and then I'm going to. Is it true? And it is a yes or no. It's not a a no but or a yes and. This takes stillness. It's a yes or a no. So if you're anchored in that time and place, the answer's there. Can you absolutely know that it's true that Paul lied to me? That's something to contemplate. And when I realize what I realize there, whatever that is, I authentically answer yes or no. I don't think. Well, the answer is supposed to be no. No, this is not one of those. This is not a test, this is an exercise and stillness. We've been true to the ego now. This is about being true to ourselves. And it could be we agree with the ego once we have seen it, and it could be not, and no one can give you this answer. This is self-reflection, and then you move to three, be there now in that situation with that person or those people when you're believing the thought, and witness meditating in that situation, witness, get in touch with how you react, what happens when you believe the thought. And then get in touch with how do you treat yourself when you're believing the thought in that situation. How do you treat that person? And how do you treat other people when you believe the thought? If you put it on one, chances are you put it on all of us sooner or later, if we are in opposition to your idea of how it should be different, Leaf. How it should be different. Okay, and then it continues with step two. You can write the belief at the top, the same belief. So there it is. Right out of your head and experience, and then meditate in. And who are you? Without the thought. And then when you have mindfully filled that in, turn the thought around, which is to say, find an opposite. Paul lied to me. Now these are things for me to consider. An opposite. I lied to Paul. Yeah, but that's not fair. The ego says that too. He was smoking a cookie. And just noticing, noticing, come back. In that situation, I lied to him. Specifically, what did I say or do that just was a lie? Or a dramatic exaggeration. Misleading. And in my case, violent, out of control. And who would I be without the thought? He lied to me. Oh, oh, I want to tell you, okay, as many times as I have worked on Paul, it's just who would I be without the thought? And I just see this terrified man. Who's he terrified of me? I see him saying and doing whatever it takes to calm me down. And his approach to that is to try to claim innocence. In other words, he wasn't smoking. And I see that too. As I sit at with my victim all those years ago, when I thought I was the victim. So now I'm experiencing compassion for both of us. I refer to us as the asleep ones. That's another term for war with the self, war with the people we love. War in the world. Okay, whose truth are we looking for? Not the worlds, not not the worlds, not those wise people in the world. Your own. No human being is wiser than another human being. And I invite you to test it, not ever to believe me. Okay, dears. So let's let's um let's begin to um let's sit in step two. How do I react? What happens when I believe the thoughts? So move your complaint over to um from your I complain. Don't complain about, move the complaint you want to work over to um step two.

Speaker 3 · 18:43Sitting alone with your beautiful self. So step three, get in touch with the emotion.

Speaker 2 · 19:00Like I'm angry at Paul because is it angry? Was I angry? I'm furious, I'm out of control. I'm furious with Paul because he lied to me. And I'm anchored visually in the kitchen as I'm filling that in. Okay, now in that situation, anchor there in that time and place. As you answer in that situation, witness and get in touch with how do you want, how do I want him to change? What do I want him to think say feel or two? And then I want Paul to. What did I want from Paul in that situation? I want him to admit, I'm doing it in real time. I want him to admit, you see how I'm present there now, I'm anchored there 30 years ago. Anchored there. I want Paul to admit that he lied to me. You need to be there now because what you were thinking and believing and the way you reacted was the cause of your suffering, not that human being. Okay, so get in touch. What were you thinking and believing, and how did you react toward that person and yourself when you believe the thought? Okay, let's begin. This is a silent exercise, it takes stillness and a very open mind.

Speaker 1 · 21:01Thank you so much, Katie, and thank you everyone for coming. Um, hope this has been very helpful for you with your own mindfulness practice as well as your ability to help others.