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Perfectionism has a sneaky way of following us into places meant for rest and healing. Even mindfulness—often described as gentle, spacious, and freeing—can become another place where we feel like we’re doing it wrong. We try to focus harder, sit longer, quiet our thoughts faster. And when our minds wander or our bodies resist, the inner critic jumps in.
This is where self-compassion changes everything.
In this conversation, we explore how mindfulness doesn’t need to be perfected to be powerful. Instead of striving for a "right" way to be present, we can learn to relate to our experience with kindness, curiosity, and choice—especially for overwhelmed, sensitive, or neurodivergent nervous systems.
This approach reframes mindfulness as something you live, not something you perform.
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Episode Overview:
Key Themes:
- Perfectionism in mindfulness practice
- Self-compassion as a foundation for presence
- Trauma-sensitive and neurodivergent-friendly approaches
- Choice-based, playful micro-practices
- External anchoring and nervous system safety
Practices Mentioned:
- Pleasant / unpleasant / neutral reframe
- Mindful walking and standing
- Breath awareness during daily activities
- Sensory-based attention exercises
- Compassionate phrases and gentle touch
Core Takeaway: Mindfulness doesn’t need to be done perfectly to be effective. When rooted in self-compassion and choice, presence becomes accessible, enjoyable, and deeply supportive in everyday life.
Show Notes:
Perfectionism vs. Presence
Perfectionism often sounds like motivation, but underneath it usually carries fear: fear of getting it wrong, fear of failure, fear of not being enough. When this mindset enters mindfulness practice, it can show up as:
- Judging thoughts as bad or distracting
- Forcing stillness when the body wants to move
- Feeling frustrated for not being calm enough
- Believing mindfulness only "counts" if it looks a certain way
Self-compassion invites a different question. Instead of asking, Am I doing this right? we ask:
What is my experience like right now—and how can I meet it with care?
This shift alone can soften the nervous system.
A Gentle Reframe: Pleasant, Unpleasant, or Neutral
Rather than labeling thoughts and sensations as good or bad, we begin with a simpler, more body-friendly lens:
- Is this experience pleasant?
- Unpleasant?
- Or neutral?
This reframe reduces judgment and helps us notice how perfectionism lives in the body. Often, self-criticism shows up not as words, but as sensations—tightness in the chest, holding in the jaw, shallow breathing, or a sense of disconnection.
When we notice these cues, self-compassion becomes a response rather than a concept. We’re no longer trying to fix ourselves—we’re learning to listen.
Grounding the Body Before the Mind
For many people, especially those who are neurodivergent or have experienced trauma, starting mindfulness internally can feel overwhelming. Trauma-sensitive mindfulness emphasizes safety first, often through external or body-based anchors.
Mindful Walking
Mindful walking brings attention to the feet and legs, offering a steady anchor that doesn’t require stillness. Notice:
- The feeling of the foot touching the ground
- The shift of weight as you move
- The rhythm of your steps
This practice works beautifully during transitions, outdoor walks, or moments of restlessness.
Mindful Standing
Standing can be more regulating than sitting. Feel your feet on the floor, your spine stacking gently, your breath moving naturally. This posture supports alertness without strain.
Breath Check-Ins (Without Control)
Instead of controlling the breath, simply notice it—especially while you’re already moving, working, or speaking. Even one curious breath can interrupt autopilot and invite presence.
The Power of Choice and Play
Perfectionism thrives in rigidity. Presence grows through choice.
Adding novelty and play can dramatically increase engagement, especially for brains that crave stimulation or struggle with sustained focus. Try these low-pressure micro-practices:
- Five colors: Notice five different colors around you
- Five sounds: Tune into nearby and distant sounds
- Taste awareness: Slowly savor chocolate, tea, or even water—notice texture, temperature, aroma, and aftertaste
These practices build mindfulness without triggering performance pressure. There’s no right outcome—just noticing.
When You Have Capacity for More
On days when your system feels resourced, you might explore slightly deeper practices—always with consent and flexibility.
Compassionate Phrases
Silently offering phrases such as:
- May I be kind to myself in this moment
- This is hard, and I’m allowed to go gently
Gentle Touch
A hand on the heart, a supportive squeeze of the arms, or grounding pressure can communicate safety faster than words.
At every step, you’re invited to opt out, scale down, or switch anchors. That choice is part of the practice.
Trauma-Sensitive Mindfulness Matters
This approach aligns with trauma-informed principles: consent, titration, and external anchoring before deep internal focus. Teachers and practitioners like David Treleaven, Christopher Germer, and Willoughby Britton remind us that mindfulness should never override safety.
Mindfulness isn’t about pushing through discomfort—it’s about building trust with the nervous system.
A Flexible Menu, Not a Rigid Rulebook
By the end of this exploration, mindfulness becomes less about discipline and more about relationship. You’re not trying to eliminate perfectionism—you’re meeting it with compassion and loosening its grip.
Presence doesn’t require incense, cushions, silence, or hour-long sits. It can happen while standing at the sink, walking to your car, or tasting your morning coffee.
When mindfulness is rooted in self-compassion, it becomes something supportive, human, and sustainable—something you can return to again and again.
