Self‑Love as Your Secret Productivity Superpower: A Mindful Conversation with Sophie Chiche

Show Notes and Highlights:

Self‑Love as a Path Out of Slow Self‑Destruction

Sophie is very candid about where her journey began. For many years, she:

• Used food as a way to numb discomfort, at one point reaching about 350 pounds.
• Smoked multiple packs of cigarettes a day.
• Engaged in other habits that, as her friend Gay Hendricks once described smoking, felt like a form of “slow suicide.”

She noticed something crucial: the less she loved herself, the more she behaved in ways that confirmed she wasn’t worthy of love. It created a painful spiral—self‑neglect feeding self‑contempt.

A few pivotal moments cracked that spiral:

• The sudden death of a close friend at 19 made the fragility of life shockingly real.
• Friends lovingly reflected back what they were seeing—how she was treating herself, how unkind her self‑talk had become.
• Little by little, she began to sense that she deserved a life that actually felt good.

From a mindfulness perspective, this is often where the path begins: seeing clearly how we’re living, and letting that clarity hurt just enough to awaken our natural wish to care for ourselves.

Reflection for you: Where do you sense “slow self‑destruction” in your life—habits that quietly erode your body, mind, or spirit? What might those behaviors be trying to protect you from feeling?

From Inner Critic to Inner Kindness

One of Sophie’s friends once stopped her mid‑conversation and asked:

“Why are you so unkind when you talk about yourself?”

He then handed her a small, adorable puppet they named “Kind.” It now sits on her desk as a reminder to only use words with herself that she would use with someone she loves.

Over time, something flipped:

• At first, kind words from others felt foreign. She’d think, “If only you knew the real me…”

• As she practiced self‑kindness, the inner critic stopped feeling like “home.”

• Eventually, whenever someone said something unkind—or when she caught herself speaking harshly to herself—that started to feel like the foreign thing.

That’s the deeper promise of mindfulness and self‑compassion: not just occasionally feeling good about ourselves, but making kindness our new default setting.

Try this:

1. Name your critic. Give it a playful nickname so you can notice it without fusing with it.
2. Use the “best friend filter.” Before saying something to yourself, ask:Would I say this to someone I truly love?
3. Create a kindness anchor. Like Sophie’s puppet, place a small object on your desk that reminds you to speak gently to yourself.

For more support, you might enjoy our free self‑compassion and loving‑kindness practices on MindfulnessExercises.com

Why Self‑Love Is a Productivity Superpower

Many people come to Sophie wanting to be more productive. They feel stuck, procrastinating, or overwhelmed by their to‑do list.

Her first question is often:

“Why did you say yes to this in the first place?”

If we’re honest, a lot of our “yeses” are fear‑based:

• We’re afraid to disappoint someone.
• We’re afraid we’ll miss out.
• We’re afraid that saying no makes us selfish or ungrateful.

From that place, it’s no wonder we procrastinate—we’re living someone else’s agenda.

Sophie’s self‑loving productivity hack is beautifully simple:

Before saying yes, ask your future self:“On the morning of that day, will I feel genuinely excited when I see this on my calendar?”

If the answer is not a clear yes, she says no.

This is self‑love in action. It’s not about doing less for the sake of laziness. It’s about:

• Protecting your energy.
• Honoring your deeper purpose.
• Making sure your commitments align with what really matters to you.

Over time, this kind of discernment:

• Reduces procrastination (because you’re actually excited by what you agreed to).
• Increases impact (you’re focused on the work that’s truly yours to do).
• Supports wellbeing (you’re not constantly resentful or depleted).

Try this “Future‑Me Yes Test” for one week: Before you agree to anything new—meeting, project, social event—pause and check:“Will future‑me be grateful I said yes?”If not, explore different ways to respond: reschedule, renegotiate, or kindly decline.

Meditation, Movement, and Harley‑Davidson Mindfulness

In her twenties, Sophie met a spiritual teacher who introduced her to mantra‑based meditation. She recalls a powerful teaching:

“We sit for two hours so we can get two minutes.”

Those two hours of stillness were like a training ground, slowly revealing how to access deep presence even in short bursts.

After about twenty years of this kind of practice, something unexpected happened. While exploring feminine embodiment and polarity work, she sat down to meditate and her body whispered:

“How about we dance?”

From that day on, dance became her primary meditation. Gentle music, fluid movement, a focus on feeling—no longer just sitting, but inhabiting her body.

She also shares that riding her Harley through the wide‑open spaces of Arizona is one of the most potent mindfulness practices she knows:

• On a motorcycle, being distracted is dangerous.
• Every sense comes alive—the feel of the wind, the smell of the desert, the curves of the road.
• It’s a full‑body reminder that aliveness and presence are not abstractions; they’re immediate, physical experiences.

Sean echoes this with his own experience of long‑distance running and motorcycling: both are ways of meeting the world, moment by moment, with an awake body and mind.

The takeaway? Meditation isn’t one‑size‑fits‑all. Sitting is beautiful. So is walking, dancing, running, riding, even mindful pickleball.

Leading with Both the Feminine and the Masculine

Sophie describes her childhood home as emotionally unsafe, with a lot of harsh criticism and predatory energy. To survive, she leaned heavily on what many would call the “masculine” qualities:

• Control
• Structure
• Mental toughness
• Emotional armor

Those qualities helped her succeed in business—at one point she was leading hundreds of employees and several large ventures. But they also came at a cost:

• Difficulty relaxing into intimacy
• Feeling she had to be “captain of the army” by day and “belly dancer” by night
• A sense of fragmentation between who she was at work and who she was at home

Working with teachers like David Deida, she realized something radical:

She could lead from her feminine—with openness, vulnerability, intuition and flow—without losing strength, clarity, or authority.

She now plays with both “notes”:

• Sometimes a situation calls for stillness, direction, and firm boundaries.
• Other times it calls for receptivity, emotional attunement, and creative spontaneity.

One simple but powerful example:Her partner offers to build a fire. She starts to get up and do it herself, then pauses, turns back, and says:

“I would love for you to start a fire.”

It’s a small act of surrender, but also a conscious honoring of polarity, allowing him to give and her to receive.

Reflection for you:

• Where do you over‑rely on your “masculine” or “feminine” modes?
• Where might your leadership become richer—and your relationships more alive—if you allowed yourself access to the full spectrum of your being?

Living and Working On Purpose

If you trace Sophie’s career—media, wellness centers, online communities, podcasts—there’s a clear thread:

Helping people care for themselves and live with more meaning.

She has:

• Built wellness businesses centered around rest, sweating, and nervous system restoration.
• Hosted intimate conversations about what makes life meaningful for people from all walks of life.
• Co‑hosted the Be Play Love podcast, which explores being, play, and love as foundations for a good life.

When clients come to her feeling overworked or disconnected from their purpose, she often discovers they already know what matters most to them. They simply:

• Don’t feel deserving of it.
• Have constructed stories about why they can’t live that way.
• Are drowning in commitments that don’t reflect their heart’s priorities.

A big part of her work is helping them:

1. See what’s actually on their plate. Once everything is out of their head and onto a page or system, the truth of their life becomes visible.
2. Feel the dissonance. It can be heartbreaking to see how much time is spent on things that don’t actually matter.
3. Reorient toward purpose, one decision at a time. Not by blowing up their life overnight, but by gradually aligning commitments with what truly energizes them.

Journaling prompts:

• If my Fridays felt the same as my Mondays—in a good way—what would my life look like?
• What did I love doing as a child, before I learned to be “practical”?
• If my purpose is to increase love (for myself, others, or the world), what small action could I take this week that supports that?

Personal Accountability as Freedom (Not Punishment)

The phrase “personal accountability” can feel heavy. Many of us associate it with:

• A boss checking up on us
• A coach calling us out
• Shame for not doing what we said we’d do

Sophie reframes it completely:

Accountability is the bridge between what you value and what you actually do.

It’s not about beating yourself up. It’s about:

• Clarifying what matters.
• Designing structures that make it easier to follow through.
• Treating your commitments as sacred expressions of self‑respect.

When she decided to heal her relationship with food, for example, accountability looked like:

• Being honest about how certain foods made her feel afterwards.
• Tracking her choices, not as a weapon, but as feedback.
• Allowing trusted friends and mentors to mirror back what they were seeing—without collapsing into shame.

In this light, accountability becomes:

• A form of self‑love (“I care enough to keep my word to myself”).
• A path to freedom (“I’m no longer controlled by unconscious habits”).
• A gateway to integrity (“My actions match my values”).

Practice idea: Choose one area of your life—sleep, food, movement, or your digital habits.

• Name one loving, realistic commitment (e.g., “I’ll turn screens off 30 minutes before bed, 5 nights a week”).
• Share it with a kind, trustworthy friend.
• Check in weekly, with curiosity instead of judgment.

Community as a Field of Wakefulness (Not Gossip)

Sophie cares deeply about community—but not in the vague, buzzword way. For her, community means:

• Spaces where people feel seen and heard.
• Environments that naturally invite kindness and growth.
• Groups that help us stay awake to how we’re living.

At a recent gathering of women, she noticed a conversation slide into gossip. Within a minute or two, she felt a visceral “no” in her body. Rather than silently endure it or harshly judge anyone, she gently said something like:

“I don’t participate in putting people down when they’re not here. I’m happy to step away if this is where we’re going.”

The effect was immediate:

• Everyone paused.
• Several women realized this wasn’t why they had come together.
• The conversation pivoted toward something much more honest and vulnerable.

Sean reflects on how cultural norms—like certain reality TV formats—can normalize gossip and tearing people down, especially among those with resources and influence. Both he and Sophie share a longing for communities where courage, kindness, and authentic expression are the norm.

Community practice:

• Notice how you feel during and after conversations with others. Lighter? Heavier? Inspired? Drained?
• Experiment with gently steering away from gossip (“I’m noticing we’re talking about them instead of about us. What’s really going on for each of us right now?”).
• Seek out communities—online or offline—that support your growth rather than your self‑criticism.

Are Your Habits “Slow Forms of Suicide”?

The phrase is strong on purpose.

Seeing something as “slow self‑destruction” can wake us up faster than softer language might. As Sean notes, we’re often like frogs in gradually heating water—only realizing we’re in danger when it’s almost too late.

Some examples they mention:

• Smoking or heavy drinking
• Chronic overeating or undereating
• Constant overwork and lack of rest
• Emotional numbing through screens, gossip, or drama
• Staying in environments that slowly crush our spirit

The Buddha taught that mindfulness of death is among the most powerful practices there is—not as a morbid fixation, but as a clarifying lens:

If this breath were my last, is this how I’d want to be living?

Sophie shares a pivotal night when she woke up to raid the fridge, as she often did. This time, an inner voice said:

“You can eat everything you see—but first, go feel your feelings.”

She closed the fridge, sat down, and allowed herself to feel—deep sadness, loneliness, whatever was there. When she finally stood up, the urge to binge was simply gone. Her body and soul had received what they actually needed: presence.

Reflection prompts:

• What in my life feels like a “slow form of suicide”?
• What feeling am I trying not to feel when I do that thing?
• What would it look like to give that feeling gentle, mindful attention instead?

Doing More of What Matters (Even If That Includes Watching Sports)

At one point, Sean vulnerably asks whether watching sports “counts” as doing what matters. Is it just mindless entertainment and corporate profit—or can it be worthwhile?

Sophie’s answer hinges on intention:

• If sports are used to avoid feeling, connecting, or living your own life, they may be another form of numbing.
• If sports are a way to bond with loved ones, appreciate human excellence, and experience joy and inspiration, they can be part of a meaningful life.

The same is true for almost anything:

• Social media
• Work
• Exercise
• Even spiritual practice

The question isn’t just what you’re doing, but why and how you’re doing it.

Ask yourself regularly:

• Am I doing this to wake up, or to fall asleep?
• Is this nourishing or numbing?
• Do I like who I become when I spend time this way?

Gentle Next Steps: Bringing This into Your Own Life

You don’t need to rebuild your entire life overnight. You might simply start with one or two of these:

1. Two minutes of presence a day - Sit, walk, or dance in silence for two minutes. Feel your body. Notice your breath. That’s enough to begin.

2. The Future‑Me Yes Test - Before saying yes to new commitments, check: “Will I be glad I did this when the day comes?”

3. Speak to yourself like someone you love - Catch one harsh thought per day and rephrase it through the lens of kindness.

4. Name one “slow self‑destruction” habit - You don’t have to fix it yet. Just acknowledge it honestly and compassionately.

5. Audit your community - Spend a little more time with people who help you grow and a little less with those who pull you toward gossip or self‑neglect.

6. Explore supportive practices - Try a self‑compassion meditation, a mindful movement practice, or a gratitude exercise to strengthen your inner base of care.

About Sophie Chiche

Sophie Chiche is a life strategist, author, therapist, and serial entrepreneur. She holds master’s degrees in journalism, psychology, and business, and has spent more than 30 years exploring how to “do more of what matters” in life and work.

Sophie is the author of The Power of Personal Accountability and has built multiple multi‑million dollar businesses focused on wellbeing and meaning. Her work has been featured on major platforms including Ellen, The Today Show, Good Morning America, Forbes, the Los Angeles Times, and the New York Times.

She’s a two‑time TEDx speaker, has facilitated sessions in South Africa with Nelson Mandela and Desmond Tutu, and co‑hosts the podcast Be Play Love, which explores how being, play, and love shape a fulfilling life.

Born in France and now “American by choice,” Sophie lives in rural Arizona, where she rides her Harley‑Davidson, plays a lot of pickleball, and continues to support people in discovering self‑love, purpose, and joyful productivity.

Learn more about her work: sophiechiche.com

Listen to her show: Be Play Love podcast

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